Amanda Lewallen

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Suffering Isn’t the End of the Story Anymore

Blog Post

23 Sep

Anxiety

We throw that word around a lot. And there’s a little too much of it to go around these days, isn’t there? Many of us just understand anxiety as chronic stress, and we’ve all sure got more than our share of that right now. An endless to do list burdened by pandemics and politics and opinions- that’s enough to weigh anyone’s thoughts down and tense our muscles up.

But what about anxiety as a disorder? A disregulated nervous system that takes off running at full speed- a racing heart doing it’s breathless best to keep time with racing thoughts that won’t be slowed. Anxious thoughts build up tension in a body designed to run from danger, a body that now must carry that tension as we walk through the store, talk to a friend, or play with our kids. A body and mind trying to force itself to calm down even as we use all our energy to wrestle unspeakable fears just enough to make it appear as if we already are. 

Can we just take a moment for compassion? For ourselves, for the woman beside us in the pew last Sunday? For the whole lot of us afraid we’re really, truly the only one?

Anxiety breeds shame- it feeds on it, leeching away the strength we need to heal- all under the guise of self protection. There’s no need for shame. Anxiety doesn’t’ mean we lack faith, it’s just a feeling. It can be annoying or disabling or anywhere in between and most of us need some help with it. We were never designed to power through anything hard all alone.

Weakness and strength are only opportunities, not reflections of character or merit. They’re only opportunities to have our needs met, to meet the needs of others, to share in the strength that spills out like abundance from a merciful God.

A merciful God who knew suffering like the back of His own scarred hand. He not only knew it, He chose it. He chose to know it, to feel it, to abide in it for the thirty-three years and three days it took to find a way to free us from its grip. Anxiety still causes pain and we always need to treat the suffering. 

But suffering isn’t the end of the story anymore.

When we’re in the throes of it and we can’t find the words to pray or praise, when the mind won’t slow down enough to catch it’s breath, when the neural networks set to spinning and it’s all we can do to put one foot in front of the other…it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s even ok if we can’t manage it and need help. 

“God’s spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.” (Romans 8: 26 The Message).

God prays our prayers for us. All we have to do is remember to remember it when things slow back down again.  He is patient reassurance for the ages. 

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amanda__lewallen

Amanda Lewallen
From Augustine's Confessions: "In filling all thin From Augustine's Confessions: "In filling all things, you fill them with the whole of yourself...Who are you then, my God? Most high, utterly good, utterly powerful,  most omnipotent, most merciful and most just, deeply hidden yet most intimately present, perfection of both beauty and strength, stable and incomprehensible, immutable and yet changing all things, never new, never old, making everything new and 'leading' the proud 'to be old without their knowledge'; always active, always in repose, gathering to yourself but not in need, supporting and filling and protecting, creating and nurturing and bringing to maturity, searching even though to you nothing is lacking: you love without burning, you are jealous in a way that is free from anxiety...If I do not love you, is that but a little misery?"  #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhealth #lent2021 #seekingtruth #learningtobeloved #hopewriters #augustine #gospeltruth #bestill #soulcare
#emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhe #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhealth #hopewriters #ptsdrecovery #traumarecovery #abuserecovery #seekingchrist #seekingtruth
For all of us who need to hear it tonight- healing For all of us who need to hear it tonight- healing isn't linear. Back and forth, forward and back, and sometimes back round again. The past weaves into the present as the future unfolds and we grow wise enough to hold our present and our past together. When wounds ache and wondering hearts start to weep, well maybe there's no race to silence them. Sadness needs to linger sometimes, to be welcomed like an honored guest.  #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhealth #ptsdrecovery #traumarecovery #healingshame #healingabuse #seekingchrist #lent #hopewriters
Slowly, the earth tilts towards light and warmth. Slowly, the earth tilts towards light and warmth. The days are getting a little longer and the sun seems to shine a little brighter- the air just feels different here in New England. Spring is on its way. Walking today, I can feel the snow slush under my boots and we even saw a few patches of ground peeking through. Practicing a few moments of soul-quiet today.  #learningtobeloved #emotionallyhealthyspirituality
#christianmentalhealth
#seekingchrist
#40daysofprayer
#40daysofalmsgiving #traumarecovery #hopewriters #newengland #40daysoflent
So here we are, settling into a time of preparatio So here we are, settling into a time of preparation for Easter. Even this year, especially this year, we get to bring all our brokenness, all our pain, all our grief and loss, and lay it at the foot of the cross.   For many years, we were a part of a church that began Lent every year with the practice of offering and receiving forgiveness. It sounds so simple really, but the event was otherworldly. Every single person in church asked for and gave forgiveness to every other person. Awkward hugs and stilted conversation would inevitably turn into tears and sweet relief. Grown men weeping with the joy of forgiveness is something I will hold close forever.  And maybe we all need it a little bit more this year? After harsh words and hurt feelings and wounded pride have worked their way into our relationships, what if we all just gave the gift of forgiveness? Free and clear to those who've judged us this year, who've wounded us because of their own brokenness- what if we just simply told them we forgive them?  What if we intentionally asked for forgiveness from those we've judged and wronged and hurt? The power of forgiveness is healing because the face of forgiveness is Christ.  Mending our relationships can bring healing, but it also draws us closer to Christ. We've been saved through the act of forgiveness granted and forgiveness received. It's the Gospel lived out in the everyday life of hurt feelings, harsh words, and silly fights. We lay down our arms and open them wide enough to be enfolded by Grace.      Sometimes we aren't ready to grant forgiveness for the hard things. The really, really tough things can take time. When we have hard things to forgive, sometimes it can help to start small. Maybe we start by writing them down or by sharing them with someone else. Maybe we need to just rely on the One who forgives all until we are strong enough.  #emotionallyhealthyspirituality
#christianmentalhealth
#healingshame
#traumarecovery #ptsdrecovery #lentisnotlack #40daysofprayer #40daysofalms
Over the next 40 days Christians all over the worl Over the next 40 days Christians all over the world will be practicing Lent.  A time of repentance. A time of mindfulness. A time of preparation. For many Christians, Lent is a time of Church-prescribed fasting. For others, it is a time to decide what food or practice needs to be put aside for a season to focus on God more clearly.  We associate Lent with lack- with deprivation in order to find the abundance that can only be found in Christ, but Lent is more than lack. Traditionally fasting has only been a part of Lent. What if we shifted our focus to include prayer and almsgiving? These three ancient practices together form a three-fold cord that binds us ever more tightly to the God who is preparing to give Himself to us, year after year.  A God of life not of death. A God of abundance, not of deprivation.  What if, while we decreased our appetites, we devoured our prayer life? What if instead of just giving up what we love, we gave to others so that we might become love?  Because what He wants, all He wants, is for us to embrace HIm  For the next 40 days, let’s embrace our God by practicing small acts of almsgiving each day throughout Lent and intentionally increasing our time with the One who only ever just wants to be with us.  Sign up in bio to receive a printable copy of 40 Days of Almsgiving and 40 Days of Prayer, simple and practical activities you can do each day throughout Lent.  #emotionallyhealthyspirituality
#christianmentalhealth #40daysofprayer #40daysofalmsgiving #hopewriters #lentismorethanlack
 #spiritualpractice #healingshame #ptsdrecovery #traumarecovery
Here's me and my Valentine. We are notoriously bad Here's me and my Valentine. We are notoriously bad at selfies, so I just went with it. Love is a very, very fine thing. Cheesy love, hard love, mournful love, swooning love, lost love- I kneel in awe of it all today.  The Good-Morrow by John Donne  I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we loved? Were we not weaned till then?
But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers’ den?
’Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be.
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, ’twas but a dream of thee.  And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear;
For love, all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown,
Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one.  My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
Without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;
If our two loves be one, or, thou and I
Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.
It's Valentines Week, you guys. We know as Chris It's Valentines Week, you guys.  We know as Christ-followers we’re supposed to love one another. A sacred commandment from our Savior not to be missed because it is the very essence of Who He is and what He’s done for us.  But sometimes- we’ve missed the very first step.  "We, though, are going to love- love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love.
He loved us first." 1 John 4:19 The MSG  Sometimes...we just haven’t had enough love, or enough of the right kind of love, in our lives to recognize it. And sometimes that leaves us unable to fully receive the stunningly beautiful love of a Father, a parent, the only One who holds the key to the unshakable, steady, and secure
love we’re really looking for.  Click on the link in bio to receive the Learning to be Loved Notes, along with access to other resources from me. You will also be included in the weekly quiet time emails: nothing too fancy. just some quiet reminders- for you and me both- to slow down and remember to be loved.  #christianmentalhealth #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #learningtobeloved #traumarecovery #ptsdrecovery #seekingchrist #healingshame #valentine #lovenotes
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