Amanda Lewallen

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Archives for December 2020

Light in the Darkness

Walking through the darkness feels like the weight of a hundred unanswered prayers pressing down. Ever noticed that life marches…
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Mother’s Day is coming up. Some of us have warm

Mother’s Day is coming up. Some of us have warm and loving relationships with our mothers and this day is a time to celebrate that. For many of us, however, Mother’s Day can be complicated by feelings of loss, grief, disconnection, and trauma. Maybe our mothers didn’t offer the warm, accepting presence that we needed in order to learn that we’re loveable. Maybe Mother’s Day is difficult because we’re grieving a deep loss. And maybe because we aren’t mothers ourselves, we feel like we have no way to participate in this day.
Feelings that don’t fit into the Hallmark box of Mother’s Day can leave us feeling deeply isolated and filled with shame and just maybe we notice the dread that fills our bodies every year around this time?
But what if we tried something new this year? What if grief and isolation and shame aren’t the only choices for Mother’s Day?
I wonder what would happen if we asked the daughter inside ourselves how she would like to spend the day? Perhaps it might feel right to explore places, foods, music, memories, or anything else that brings comfort. Maybe the answer is to let the day pass by without acknowledgement.
Maybe it feels right to spend the day with our children and celebrate the making-of-all-things-new.
It’s ok to create a safe space for yourself if you need to. You are worth making a plan. Once we ask the question, opportunities for healing open up.
#christianmentalhealth #hopewriterlife #hopewriters #CPTSD #faithandmentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #complextrauma #developmentaltrauma #mothersday #mothersday2022

Naomi Judd recently passed away from mental illnes

Naomi Judd recently passed away from mental illness and for all those who still struggle, the least this moment can do is bring forth as much awareness and support as this desperate, hurting world can hear.
It’s been almost a decade since the thought last crept its way into my mind, making a terrifying, bone-chilling sort of sense. At first, it flitted in and out, winding around, and for awhile I could fend it off. I remember my very worst moment lying on my bedroom floor trying desperately to grasp at anything solid and finding…
Nothing. Nothing but darkness and unspeakable pain. And that terrible, awful facet of depression that convinces the mind that this is permanent -- there is no relief to be had. There is no hope.
The only thing that kept me from it was fear (a side-note: fear gets a bad rap sometimes, but maybe we can cut this human, biological reaction some slack because it certainly does serve a purpose).
I want to say this as clearly as I can because it can often get muddled by the big-C church -- and muddled is dangerous:
A troubled mind doesn’t mean you don’t trust.
A tortured mind doesn’t mean you don’t have faith.
A disregulated mind doesn’t mean you aren’t an authentic follower of Christ.
It means that you suffer and suffering isn’t a sin, it’s a symptom.
I loved Jesus the day I wanted to die. The reason I haven’t struggled with the symptom of suicidal ideation in many years is that I’m in treatment. That means different things for different people, but for me it means a combination of medication and therapy and intentional self care.
If you suffer, please know it won’t always be so. It may be an ongoing issue, it may require complex and repeated attempts at treatment, and you may have hard days.
But it gets better. There is ALWAYS more love, more healing, more hope: more, more, more. There is always, always more.
If you need help, you can also text HOME to 741741 anytime to discreetly receive it.
#christianmentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #ptsd #complexptsd #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealth #keepgoing #youareloved #suicideprevention #selfinjuryawareness #mentalhealthsupport #cptsd #traumarecovery #mentalillness #hopewriterlife

Can I remind you of something? A few hard days, e

Can I remind you of something?
A few hard days, even a few dozen hard days, don’t mean the end of the world. They don’t define the future, and they don’t define you.
Doubt
Discouregement
Anxiety
Depression
Bone-deep grief
Even if you have to add “severe” before any of the above, you are still just you.
Just for today, let’s rest in words that do define:
Beloved
Held
Cherished
Chosen
Free
Even as I write these words I’m realizing that they don’t define us alone, rather they define us within the context of a relationship to the One who gives meaning and identity to all things.
Beloved -- by God
Held -- by God
Cherished -- by God
Chosen -- by God
Free -- because of God’s love
You -- and me -- aren’t ok because we’re ok. We’re not even ok because we’ve figured out how to manage the hard days.
We’re ok because we belong.
#hopewriters #hopewriterlife #cptsd #complextrauma #complexptsd #healingabuse #baddays #harddays #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #healingjourney #notetoself #innerwisdom #giveyourselfgrace

I have been so honored to be a part of @lisaappelo

I have been so honored to be a part of @lisaappelo 's launch team. This book is for anyone struggling with loss, or circumstances you never pictured for yourself. It's a beautifully written, honest and vulnerable book and I highly recommend you head over to Amazon and grab a copy!
#lifecanbegoodagain #griefwork #traumarecovery #traumainformed #jesusistheanswer #jesusistheway #writersofinstagram #hopewriterlife #hopewriters

Our last piece in the Intentional Lent Series is b

Our last piece in the Intentional Lent Series is by my friend Dr. Erin Moulton! When I put a call out for pieces for this series, I received such a wide variety of responses from so many denominations. I reached out to Erin and asked if she'd be willing to conclude the series with Bright Week and she graciously agreed. You do NOT want to miss this one.
"Bells are made for ringing. Voices are there for shouting. Hearts are best at rejoicing. Humans are intended for joy.
Christ’s Resurrection breaks the supposed rules of nature, frees the captives, throws open all doors, releases shouts of joy. I say this in the present tense, because we experience the Resurrection as part of eternity - God’s ever present eternity. Although it happened in time over 2000 years ago, the Day of Resurrection is not a past event. It is a present event which we annually live on Easter, commonly known as Pascha to Orthodox Christians. There is no greater joy than the destruction of death brought by the death and Resurrection of Christ.
In the Eastern Christian tradition, the faith practiced by Orthodox Christians around the world, Pascha is the pinnacle of joy, the highest point of the year. We know this not just intellectually or abstractly. We experience this joy with our whole bodies.
Our preparation for the Great and Holy Feast of Pascha begins weeks in advance, with 40 days of Great Lent followed by Holy Week. We keep strict fasts and prayer routines during this time. Orthodox Christians remove meat and dairy products from their diets throughout the period, attend extra prayer services, add penitential prayers and melodies to prayers at home and in the church. The resounding cry of Great Lent is “Lord have mercy.” Christians pause to acknowledge their sin and work to repent and turn back to God. It is a joyful period, but one focused on quietude and sobriety. We discipline not only our minds and hearts, but also our bodies.
And then the Bright Day of Resurrection dawns."
Follow the link in my bio to read the rest.
#easter2022 #christisrisen #heisrisen #brightweek #resurrection #jesusiscoming #faithwriters #joytotheworld #joy #delight #faithquotes #lovedbygod

May I humbly introduce you to Bright Week? In old

May I humbly introduce you to Bright Week?
In older Christian traditions, celebrating Easter is an intense, week-long event. In fact, we will have the final piece in the Intentional Lent Series on Wednesday and it's all about Bright Week!
In the meantime, I'd like to share this small piece of it with you. Resurrection is a gift from Jesus and it is deeply personal -- Jesus died for MY life and MY sins. But, he also died for the whole world. Resurrection is not only personal, it's also a massive, world - changing, event on such a grand scale that we can't really comprehend it.
The day after celebrating Easter, some Christian traditions gather together and read (shout!) "Christ is risen!" In as many languages as the congregation can say, one after another. The Gospel isn't insular, it's all-encompassing.
Christ is risen!
#christianencouragement #easter2022 #faith #christianinspiration #writersofinstagram #brightweek #christiantradition #jesusistheanswer #Resurrection #joy #delight #savetheworld

#easter2022 #happyeaster #christisrisen #ressurect

#easter2022 #happyeaster #christisrisen #ressurectionday #ressurectionsunday #eternallife #forgiveness #redemption #rescuestory #jesussaves #christianencouragement #faithwriters #shewritestruth #christianmentalhealth #faithandmentalhealth #cptsdrecovery #butgod

On The Resurrection: A Spoken Word Poem #easter20

On The Resurrection: A Spoken Word Poem
#easter2022 #spokenwordpoetry #spokenword #poetsofinstagram #christianinspiration #christianencouragement #HolyWeek #resurrectionsunday #saturdaynight #jesusistheway #iwillfollow #spokenwordpoetry #redeemed #eternallife
#savedbygrace

Before sundown on Friday (the start of the Jewish

Before sundown on Friday (the start of the Jewish sabbath) Jesus was taken down from the cross.
As the disciples stood by, a man named Joseph from the town of Arimathea stepped forward and asked Pilate for the body of Christ.
Joseph took responsibility for the physical body of Jesus, tenderly wrapped it in white linen, and placed it in his own tomb. The chief priests worried that Christ’s body would be stolen so they convinced Pilate to appoint men to guard the tomb.
And then the world waited as the story of everything quietly changed behind a stone. Lamenting the death of Christ is the beginning of spiritual wisdom -- grief and joy, sorrow and hope, they all co-mingle in the Person of Christ.
“In the tomb they laid You,
You, O Christ, who are Life; in amazement angel armies lift up their song as they glorify Your self-abasement, Lord.
Blessed are those who search out His testimonies, they will seek for Him with their whole heart.
LIFE, how can You perish, or how dwell in a tomb? Yet the royal hall of Death You now bring to nought, and from Hades’ realm You raise the dead again….
KING of all, O Jesus, who established earth’s bounds, on this day You make Your home in a little tomb, raising up the dead of ages from their graves…
He who governs all things here is seen as a corpse, new the grave in which His body is laid to rest, He the one who empties graves of all their dead.
LIGHT that saves, O Jesus, You are sweetness to me, in the darkness of the grave how can You lie hid, O forbearance that no language can express!
Blessed are you, O Lord, teach me your statutes”
From: The Lamentations, First Stasis
#lamentations #lament #goodfriday #holyweek2022 #lent2022 #easter2022 #hopewriters #hopewriterlife #deathandressurection #holydays #jesusislife #gospeltruth #christianitytoday #christianinspiration #jesusistheway #christianencouragement #shewritestruth #faithandmentalhealth

Friday dawns and the Jewish authorities took Jesus

Friday dawns and the Jewish authorities took Jesus to the home of the Roman governor Pontius Pilate because they didn’t have the authority to carry out a death sentence on their own.
We know Jesus was without sin, but the Bible makes a point to tell us that He was formally found innocent -- Pilate pronounced Him without blemish three times -- it was only religion that condemned Him. The Jewish leaders continued to rally the people against Him and eventually, they all cried out “crucify Him.”
The God who created everything handed HIs creation the power to harm HIm. He stood still as He was whipped, held His tongue as He was mocked, and took the very worst humanity could do.
Power and authority don’t look like control and brutality -- they look like a servant King with arms spread wide, submitting to a process of reconciliation with the very creation who thought they didn’t need HIm.
9 AM (the third hour Jewish time): the world hung its God on a cross.
He used the last breath in His lungs to beg forgiveness on our behalf as His body began to collapse and heave. Forgiveness and reconciliation, the Passover Lamb finally come to take away the sins of the world.
Noon (the sixth hour Jewish time): darkness covered the land as the separation between God and man took away our light.
“Eli, eli, lema sabachthani? My God, why have You forsaken me?” Mark 15:34
3 PM (the ninth hour Jewish time) the great “I Am,” the One without beginning or end, submitted Himself to His own creation -- to the process of life and death that’s kept us separate since the garden. The One who breathed life into Adam exhaled His last breath in submission to the Father. “Father into Your hands I commit my spirit.” Luke 23:46
What began on one tree ended on another.
“It is finished” John 19:30
#hopewriters #goodfriday #holyweek #holyweek2022 #lent2022 #crucifixion #thehours
#jesusistheanswer #redemption #easter2022 #hopewriterlife #compeltraining #emotionallyhealthyspiritualuty #christianmentalhealth #traumahealing #hesed

Thursday evening. Judas took the bread too. He he

Thursday evening.
Judas took the bread too. He held the Body in his hands, looked at glory standing before him, and turned and left to complete his betrayal with the chief priests for thirty pieces of silver.
How many times have I traded spiritual riches for tangible ones? How many times has He given Himself to me, only to watch me turn away?
After Judas left, everyone else went to the Garden of Gethsemane.
Jesus asked the disciples to keep watch and pray with Him. Three times He prayed for the cup to be taken and three times He went and found His disciples fast asleep.
Christ knew His sacrifice was imminent and we get to see the intimate beauty of His divine and human nature mingled together in the Garden. He begged God the Father to take the cup and in the same breath He also submitted to drinking it.
The last man who came face to face with the whole of humanity and divinity in a garden didn’t think to pray. The last man standing in a garden before God didn’t want to see Him, didn’t want to be seen by Him.
Obedience failed becomes obedience fulfilled.
And really, how could the path chosen in that first garden lead anywhere else? Creation comes stalking in with a kiss and a sword to kill its Creator.
#hopewriters #hopewriterlife #holythursday #lent2022 #holyweek #gardenofgethsemane #gardenofeden #writersofinstagram #womenwriters #gospeltruth #gospelstory

On Thursday Jesus celebrated the Passover feast wi

On Thursday Jesus celebrated the Passover feast with His disciples in an upstairs room.
And He knew.
He knew what the next day would bring, and yet He took the time to wash the feet of His disciples, including the one who planned to betray Him. Perfect servant love and humility, even to the very least deserving.
A day earlier, Mary had anointed His own feet -- she’d given her love and the costliest sacrifice she could. And now the God of the universe prepared Himself to do the same for us.
In that upstairs room Jesus instituted the New Covenant. The Israelites had been waiting, way back from Jeremiah, for covenant love to return. They’d been waiting for restoration and redemption and most of them didn’t recognize Him when they saw Him.
This time, covenant love didn’t come with agreements and rituals and cleansing -- it came handed as a gift.
“Take, eat; this is my Body. Drink of it all of you; for this is my blood of the New Covenant” (Matthew 26:26-28).
Take. -Take- your gift into your hands, into your very being. Christ offered us the opportunity to commune with Him, to become one with Him. He’s given us a covenant of redemption and restoration, but even more -- He’s given us Himself.
No more striving.
No more failing.
No more separation.
Take your gift.
#holyweek #lent2022 #holythursday #lastsupper #eucharist #bodyandblood #newcovenant #allthingsnew #hopewriters #hopewriterlife

On Wednesday Jesus is in the home of Simon the Lep

On Wednesday Jesus is in the home of Simon the Leper having dinner with Lazarus, Martha, and Mary. During the meal, Mary broke open an alabaster flask of expensive perfume and anointed His head and feet.
Like the wise virgins in His parable from the day before, she gave the Bridegroom everything she had. She honored Him with her attention, her possessions, and her love.
But in the same moment she opened her heart to Him, Judas closed his.
The Gospel of Mark tells us that Judas judged Mary for using such an expensive oil when it could have been spent more wisely. Jesus rebuked Judas and declared that she had anointed Him for burial, and what could be more beautiful than that?
Judas, one of the twelve apostles who was so close to Christ, left and went to the chief priests to negotiate a betrayal of Him.
These two, Mary and Judas, one loved and one betrayed. One judged and one gave. Which one am I?
How do I love Him? How do I betray Him?
#hopewriters #hopewriterlife #holyweek #Lent2022 #holywednesday #betrayal #repentantheart #gospelofmark #christianencouragement #shewritestruth #writersofinstagram #gospeltruth #holyweek2022

Tuesday afternoon is the last time Jesus teaches i

Tuesday afternoon is the last time Jesus teaches in the Jerusalem temple.
He taught God’s word and reiterated that the appointed leadership had no authority over Him. We know, and He knew, what those leaders were planning to do in the coming days.
Once He left the temple, Jesus climbed the Mount of Olives to rest. The disciples came to Him and asked “what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” Matthew 24:3 NIV
Jesus answered them in parables and it’s here that we find the parable of the ten virgins.
Jesus says that the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins waiting for the bridegroom. Five of them took extra oil for their lamps and five did not. Because the bridegroom was a long time coming, they all fell asleep.
When the bridegroom finally arrived, those with oil for their lamps were able to enter into the wedding feast with him, while he said to those who had no oil “Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.”
A beautiful and harsh parable. Jesus is the bridegroom and we are the bride and to hear “I don’t know you” is both terrifying and heartbreaking.
Watching and waiting are the firm foundation of faith. We all have a lamp in our hands, but the Bridegroom is looking for something else. He wants our full attention and devotion. He wants anticipation and longing.
Who does the Bridegroom know? The heart-broken, the tender-hearted -- tending our hearts to keep time with His so no matter what time, no matter how long
He will know His bride.
Swipe to see the icon "Christ the Bridegroom: Extreme Humility"
#hopewriters #hopewriterlife #christianwriters #womenwriters #bridegroom #holytuesday #holyweek #lent2022 #soulcare #compeltraining #waitingforjesus #parables #gospeltruth

Monday: Here we are in Holy Week. To be immersed

Monday:
Here we are in Holy Week.
To be immersed in the coming and goings and happenings of Christ in the days before His death and resurrection is so intimate, so full and rich. My heart hungers for it every year.
This week is an opportunity to experience the joy of the Resurrection and remember that the Bridegroom is coming again. We can anticipate both events, past and future joy melded into our present life.
On Palm Sunday we see Jesus enter Jerusalem to cries of praise from a crowd that we know will later cry out for HIs blood.
The day after He entered Jerusalem, Matthew and Mark document the cursing of the fig tree. The fig tree, representing Jerusalem and her failure to recognize Christ, is a parable for all of us to be loving, faithful followers. Christianity is not a passive faith -- rather it is dynamic and fruitful.
Following Christ means that we are already citizens of Heaven and, if we let it, that changes everything.
#emotionallyhealthyspirituality #holyweek #Lent2022 #christianencouregement #christianwriter #holymonday #gospelofmatthew #gospelofmark #figtree #seekingjesus

Today on the Intentional Lent Series, professional

Today on the Intentional Lent Series, professional counselor, military wife, and mom of four @jenniferwier writes on what it means to carry the cross:
"There is a solemnity that surrounds the season of Lent. This somber time of reflection calls to mind the long, lonely road Jesus walked from conviction to Calvary. Along that sorrowful journey, our Lord was required to carry his own cross. I imagine weighty wood rubbing bare skin already tender from whipping, heart lonely and bruised by the humiliation of having onlookers view his painful journey. Thankfully, you and I will never have to walk that road because our Savior walked it for us. But do you ever feel like the load you bear is grating on the already tender places in your soul? Do you find yourself lonely and bruised and feeling unfit for viewing?
I suspect just about every one of us is carrying something heavy. Maybe sometimes it feels as if it will be the death of you. It seems that God allows us each a cross to bear in one form or another. He places it at our feet and asks us to carry it for him, with him. In fact, he requires this cross-bearing of anyone who wants to be his disciple.
“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” -Matthew 16:24
Why would Jesus ask this of us? The command to “take up” our cross implies a willing action. Can we really accept such burdens willingly? For a sane person to take on something painful by choice, it must somehow be worthwhile in the end, but the end of this journey of cross-bearing is… death? Who in their right mind would sign up for such a thing? Maybe it won’t be our physical death that’s required, but we will have to die to self. That may mean death to our desires, our control, our dreams. Picking up that cross, we know, is the beginning of a death march."
Follow the link in my bio to read the rest.
#Lent2022 #holyweek #carrythecross #crossofchrist #hopewriters #hopewriterlife #intentionallent #soulcare #womenwriters #writersofinstagram #shewritestruth #christianencouragement

Today on the Intentional Lent Series, @jodiepine

Today on the Intentional Lent Series, @jodiepine shares her poetry to remind us that God is always right there, even when it seems hopeless.
"What went wrong God?
We thought we understood
We thought the pieces fit together
We had hoped
He was the Messiah
Shattered dreams.
Disillusionment.
Unrealized expectations.
How could crucifixion
Be part of Your good plan?
The Saturday of in between
The cross and the resurrection
The awe-full reality
Of what is
And what isn’t.
Nailed to the cross
My dreams
My faith
Wanting yet to believe
You never make mistakes.
But how can it be?
On the darkest of days
When all hope
Is gone
I will wait for You to come.
Your mercies arise with the sunrise
You alone can restore what’s been lost
And transform
This tragic ending
Into an unimaginable beginning"
Follow the link in bio to read the rest on the blog:
#lent2022 #hopewriters #hopewriterlife #christianwriter #writersofinstagram #lent #lentenreflection #womenoffaith #prayingwomen

Some girls have all the luck. And by "some girls,

Some girls have all the luck.
And by "some girls," I mean me.
I hope you have someone who will find the best tortilla chips in the basket and hand them all to you.
There's absolutly nothing that could convince me that I'm not sitting across from the most wonderful man there is.
#luckygirl #loveandmarriage #hopewriterlife #hopewriters #husbands #thebesthusband #lunchdate #chipsandsalsa #sappylovepost

It’s okay to pray without knowing what we need.

It’s okay to pray without knowing what we need.
Pain gets too deep and weakness speaks
Louder than our own voices.
Sometimes even prayer is too hard for the deeply wounded.
God is groaning with you in your pain and He will meet you there. He takes what is wordless and formless and makes it substantive, stable, and sure.
#christianmentalhealth #hopewriters #faithandmentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #romans #Lent2022 #prayer #prayingwomen #womenwriters #writersofinstagram #mentalhealthrecivery #mentalhealthsupport #darknightofthesoul #hopewriterlife #healingfromabuse

When the Lord saw her, His heart went out to her a

When the Lord saw her, His heart went out to her and He said “Don’t cry!” Luke 7:13 NIV
Craig Blomberg calls the Gospels “theological biographies” that are similar in genre to Greco-Roman Aretalogies (Intro to Biblical Hermeneutics). Fancy-talk that helps explain, at least for me, what I’m reading.
I love to read emotion in the fiction novels I read and I get used to story being presented that way. The Bible is filled with emotional riches and Jesus’ life is no different: anger, sorrow, compassion, grief, joy -- they’re all there, even if they’re not presented in the literary style I’ve gotten used to.
But this verse.
He came upon a woman who had just lost her only son. The funeral procession was passing by and the woman was weeping, surrounded by her community.
“When the Lord saw her, His heart went out to her and He said ‘Don’t cry!;” I can see the compassion on His face. I can hear the tenderness in His voice. I can see Him step towards her, arms outstretched. I can feel HIs urgency to restore all things to “right-ness” for her.
The Gospels reveal the identity of who Jesus is, not simply His life story. He is the Second Person of the Trinity, come down to struggle and suffer and not only to be in the mess with us -- He came to fix it.
#hopewriters #soulcare #seekingJesus #findingJesus #Heiswithyou #shespeakstruth #Christianwriter #Jesusislife #youareworthy #youareloved #dontcry #worthyoflove #gospelofluke #gospeltruth #emotionallyhealthyspirituality #christianmentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #faithandmentalhealth #heisrisen

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